Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Almighty God, you welcome you. Hey there. If you're new to Restored Church, we want to welcome you and thank you for tuning in. You're listening to a portion of our Sunday worship gathering. We believe the church is not an event, but a family you belong to, so we would love the opportunity to connect with you. If you want to learn more about our church or if we can help you in any way, please Visit our website, www.restoredtemecula.church and click on Contact. With all that said, we, we hope you enjoy the message.
[00:00:37] So, yeah, my name is Harrick. I'm one of the elders here of Restored Temecula. I want to welcome you to our Sunday morning gathering. I'm really glad that you're with us.
[00:00:44] If you're new, we have been in a series called the King and His Kingdom. We've been working through the Gospel of Matthew for a while, and today's going to be a little bit different. I'm actually going to pause on the Gospel of Matthew and I'm going to do what you might call a topical message or something that's not connected to a particular series. But I think it's connected to the heart of God for our church in this time.
[00:01:07] And so I want to pray to kick it off. I want to invite you to pray with me. Pray for me that God would do what only he can this morning to touch our hearts and reset our gaze on Him.
[00:01:20] So, Father, thank you for this morning.
[00:01:23] Thank you for this opportunity to open up your word, to slow down, to consider you, to ponder who you are, what you're all about, what you've done, how that affects our lives, how that shapes our lives and our narratives in such a way that lead to your love being manifest in us, through us, into the world, in a way that brings about your kingdom, purposes, your will.
[00:01:52] So this morning, we want to hear from you. We want to see you open up our hearts, our minds, our ears. Help us to minimize distractions.
[00:02:03] And would you help us to be open to what you want to do, starting with me and with everyone else here? We love you. It's your name we pray. Amen.
[00:02:13] Yesterday I went to San Juan Capistrano, Norwich county, where the swallows come home every year. The salmon of Capistrano, if you're a Dumb and Dumber fan, come home.
[00:02:25] But that's where I went to school for many years. I did grade school there, and I met with some friends who were there and I haven't seen them in a while.
[00:02:33] As tends to happen, people that I was rolling with deep for years and years now. Sometimes we go years without seeing each other.
[00:02:39] But it was a really wonderful meetup. Our kids were all together, and it was really well timed because I had been thinking about high school a lot. This time in life that's so important. Some of you in the room are high schoolers.
[00:02:55] High school was a profoundly important time for me, which I didn't realize at the time. It's really only come in reflection on the past.
[00:03:04] But as a senior in high school, as you can imagine, senior year is pretty crazy.
[00:03:11] There's college applications, there's work, there is thinking about the future, there's financial aid. There's all kinds of stuff that I was not ready for, prepared for, that needed attention.
[00:03:23] And I really did really focus on the practical stuff, on my career, my future, thinking about finances, things like that.
[00:03:31] However, I went to school at Santa Margarita High School in Orange County.
[00:03:37] And what made Santa Margarita a unique high school was that it was a Catholic high school.
[00:03:43] And really it was a college prep school. But it was meant to be more than that. It was meant to be a part of faith formation.
[00:03:52] And so one of the things that I realized in hindsight is that during that time, because there was so much going on, I was so busy and thinking about so many practical things right in front of me.
[00:04:04] I actually drifted from the weightier things in life.
[00:04:08] My soul, my relationships, my life with God.
[00:04:14] I wasn't a Christian at the time, but I was in an environment where Christ was put in front of me regularly.
[00:04:22] What happens when you're driving and you stop watching the road?
[00:04:26] You can end up in a ditch right on either side.
[00:04:31] Stop tending to your soul and your life with God, and the same thing will happen.
[00:04:36] What's at stake with this?
[00:04:39] Everything that lasts.
[00:04:41] Today we're going to name two ditches that we can slip into in our walks as disciples. Or if you're not a disciple, this is. I'm imagining you're here because you're at least open or interested in Jesus. So I want to name two ditches today that is very easy to slip into. When life gets busy, when practical stuff consumes our attention, when life just kind of happens, we start to drift.
[00:05:04] We can end up in these two ditches, but there is a better path than we could walk down together. And I want to share that with you this morning. So if you have your Bible, turn over to Hebrews chapter 10, Hebrews chapter 10, verses 24 to 25. We'll have it up on the screen. If you don't have your Bible that is okay.
[00:05:21] We have not been in the letter to the Hebrews in a while, but it is a powerful, meaty, potent sermon. It's a sermon that if you ever wonder, like, man, what were the early sermons like, read Hebrews. They're longer, they're denser than probably what we're used to. And so it's really challenging to read. However, they're profoundly practical.
[00:05:46] And there were some early Christians that were going through some really hard times.
[00:05:50] They were under pressure, they had a lot going on in life. And some of them were starting to actually drift off the path, off the way of Jesus. And so here's what it says. Hebrews chapter 10. This is part of the exhortation that the writer of the Hebrews gives to the people.
[00:06:06] He said, let us watch out for one another and provoke love and good works.
[00:06:12] Not neglecting to gather together as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other all the more as you see the day approaching.
[00:06:23] So here's part of the drift that takes place under pressure. Some of the early disciples that made up this audience, they stopped meeting and stopped encouraging.
[00:06:34] They became isolated and insulated.
[00:06:38] And so the writer of the Hebrews, this brilliant, absolutely brilliant person, I'm not completely sure who he is, we don't totally know, but my goodness, God's hand was on this man's life or this woman's life. We don't know.
[00:06:51] But this is what the writer of the Hebrews says.
[00:06:55] He says, draw near to God.
[00:06:57] Here are the guardrails that he puts in place or she puts in place. Draw near to God.
[00:07:02] Hold fast to your confession.
[00:07:05] Consider one another, don't disconnect from one another is what he's saying. Don't go deaf. Spiritually speaking, presence and perspective keep you on the road. Other people's presence and perspective.
[00:07:22] So if you're wondering about what the first ditch is, it's this. It's independence.
[00:07:28] And I want to define independence as lacking others, presence and perspective.
[00:07:35] Independence is a lack of other people's presence and perspective. As life was getting hard for these early Christians, as they were getting busy with things, as kind of the world was closing in around them, they started to drift and they started to miss each other's presence.
[00:07:52] And so they became isolated. I don't need to be with you. I got this was what isolation says.
[00:08:00] And they also experienced insulation.
[00:08:02] I don't need to hear from you.
[00:08:06] And it cost them dearly. And that's why this letter is so if you read the letter of the Hebrews. It's sort of frightening. I remember when I was a newer Christian, I really liked reading some of Paul's stuff. Some of the letters, it was dense and complicated, but I was like, okay, I can read this. But then the second half of the New Testament just freaked me out because it was full of warnings. Not that Paul doesn't warn us. Paul does warn us. Has anybody ever had that experience before where you're just like, oh, my gosh, you're reading like Hebrews, chapter six. You're just like, I'm going to die.
[00:08:38] I'm going to be destroyed. And it's like there's warnings in there for a reason. Because it's very easy to drift off the road and end up in a ditch. And the writers, the writer of the Hebrew doesn't want that for us. God doesn't want that for us.
[00:08:49] And wouldn't you know it, the thing that causes drift. One of the things that causes drift is just independence. The very thing that founded our nation causes drift. This is not a political statement, so don't read into this too much. You're a proud patriot. You can love this country. That's a good thing. What I'm saying is the spirit of independence actually leads us to drift from our king.
[00:09:16] And our king is not so much interested in just taking care of our individual needs. He has things he wants to do through you, and he has other people in your life that he wants to do things through for you.
[00:09:31] I want you to imagine with me for a second. I want you to picture a whiteout on a mountain road. Has anybody ever experienced this before?
[00:09:39] Yeah, I was there probably about 15 years ago with very vivid recollection of going up. I don't know what the windy road is up Big Bear. We were on that one.
[00:09:52] Anybody know 18, Highway 18? Yeah. Going up that one. Complete whiteout. It was snowing, blizzard, essentially. And when you're in a situation like that where you're having a hard time seeing things are kind of scary and frightening, there's really kind of two moves that feel very safe.
[00:10:14] One is to pull over and stay parked, right? You find like a spot to pull over and you park and it feels safer, but you end up getting stuck.
[00:10:24] That's isolation.
[00:10:26] You pull over and you stay parked. And there's all kinds of reasons why, as human beings, we end up isolated in different seasons of our lives.
[00:10:34] But sometimes it can happen in the church.
[00:10:37] Sometimes men and women that start off really well. Like if you read the letter to the Hebrews, holy smokes, These disciples started off so, so well, but they pulled over and they parked and it felt safer, but they got stuck. They became isolated. And I think in modern times, this can be very, very easy. It can look like, I'll listen to the sermon later. Which, by the way, this isn't throwing shade or guilt. I'm just literally going off of what the writer said. Don't neglect meeting together. This is what it looks like in this time, in our place. It looks like showing up late and leaving early.
[00:11:12] It looks like kind of hovering at the edge of community.
[00:11:15] It looks like avoiding community because it's uncomfortable.
[00:11:19] So it's possible to be isolated.
[00:11:22] You pull over and you stay parked and you isolate. There's also another possibility.
[00:11:27] It's also possible to turn down the navigation and ignore your passengers, which. This one is a little different, but it's very, very similar.
[00:11:38] So if a person's like, I got this. I know, I know. I know my way through this.
[00:11:44] You can feel like you have a level of control, but you might end up missing turns.
[00:11:50] And that's called insulation.
[00:11:52] One is isolation. The other is, I'm not hearing, I'm not listening.
[00:11:57] In real life, it could look like brushing off loving feedback.
[00:12:02] It could look like making big decisions. This is going to sound crazy in our kind of modern Western context, but it's the normal thing for the rest of the world. When you make big decisions, you include other people in them.
[00:12:15] In other parts of the world here it seems like that's optional or kind of assume that's not necessary. When in reality, in other parts of the world, like, it would be, people would be like, are you serious? Like, you're.
[00:12:27] There's things called arranged marriages. They're arranged for a reason, because big decisions, by the way, I'm not suggesting that we go back to that.
[00:12:36] I'm just saying.
[00:12:38] Yeah, some of you are, and that's cool. We could talk. I've got two daughters and a son, and we could figure some things out. We can find some goats. We can make an exchange.
[00:12:48] I'm kidding, not being serious.
[00:12:50] This is an ancient practice. I'm not saying that you're worth the equivalent of a goat.
[00:12:56] Doesn't matter.
[00:12:57] The point is, people in other parts of the world probably can't believe the kind of decisions that we make on our own without involving other people.
[00:13:05] And then we have this crisis of mental health. And I don't want to get into all the details, but it's like some of it. I wonder if it could be alleviated if we were just in community together, not bearing the load and responsibility of these huge decisions on our own shoulders.
[00:13:21] If you want more on that, Joseph Hellerman wrote a book called when the Church was a Family. If you forget everything, if you're just tuned out for the rest of this message, that's fine. I get it. I know Joseph Hellerman.
[00:13:33] Read his book when the Church Was a Family. It's on our book. We have a book list. If you don't know you ever like, I want to dive deeper. What should I be reading? RestoRetAmerica Church Resources Books. That one's under Family.
[00:13:45] He'll break this stuff down way better than I could. But I just want you to know that things like this, brushing off feedback, making big decisions without including other people, without godly counsel, showing up on Sundays, nodding, and then just Monday rolls around and it's like everything has been forgotten. Which I understand. We're forgetful people. But there's a sense in which you can turn down the navigation and ignore the passenger next to you as you're trying to navigate life.
[00:14:10] If you don't pull off and stop, you may just not hear the people or not want to hear what the people in the car are telling you. And if you do either long enough, you end up in a ditch.
[00:14:20] And I know this from experience.
[00:14:22] One of the things that I've been doing recently a lot, maybe it's middle age, I don't know, but I've been reflecting on my life a lot. I've actually been going on drives. Anybody do this as they've gotten older?
[00:14:33] Just need some time to think. And I've been going on drives, and it's silent. I don't turn anything on, which is real weird for me.
[00:14:40] Really weird. But you know what ends up happening when it's silent?
[00:14:45] I start thinking.
[00:14:47] I start having thoughts.
[00:14:50] And I went this week I went down to San Diego. And San Diego is such an important place in my life for spiritual encounters with God. The biggest ones that kind of jump started my discipleship, they all happen there, which is a remarkable thing, because when I go back there, I have memories everywhere.
[00:15:12] But they're not all positive.
[00:15:14] They're not all great. In fact, I just did the Painful Memory tour this week.
[00:15:19] It started at Barnes and Noble in Escondido, where I pulled over. It wasn't open. It was weird.
[00:15:28] I did this. It was weird. I acknowledge it. But I wanted to retrace my steps. I went to Barnes and Noble. It wasn't open. So I sat out there and I remembered a time in My life when I was in that. I think there's a Starbucks in there or something.
[00:15:39] And I had one of the worst arguments I've ever had in my life with someone at that Barnes and Noble.
[00:15:46] And it was about, it was fascinating. I was 20 something and it was about, it was about church.
[00:15:54] It was about the church that I was a part of and I had a lot of opinions about it.
[00:16:00] But the challenge was that I was insulated from the people of the church and even the leaders of the church.
[00:16:09] I needed some counsel, some accountability, which did come later, by the way. God in his kindness did send the counsel and the correction later.
[00:16:21] But at the time I really thought I knew better. But I wasn't known in the community. I was present at the church, but I was really deaf to perspective.
[00:16:30] And the person I was sitting across from arguing was my now wife.
[00:16:34] And I had the thought and this was like a sober moment, actually. It was like I almost lost this whole thing because I was critical.
[00:16:45] We were trying to figure out church at the time and I wasn't listening to other perspectives. I thought I knew how things needed to be done.
[00:16:54] I was insulated.
[00:16:57] So that was Barnes and Noble.
[00:16:59] Then I stopped at James Coffee in Escondido, which if you're listening, James, we need one in Temecula.
[00:17:06] I actually don't know if James is a person or if it's more of an idea, but good coffee, it's terrific. No one's into this coffee thing.
[00:17:16] There's great coffee at James Con. In other places there's good coffee. It's called third wave coffee, craft coffee. Does anybody know what I'm talking about? Where they don't burn the beans.
[00:17:33] I went down with my James Coffee down to San Diego and I started remembering college.
[00:17:41] I went to college there back in 2003.
[00:17:45] And if the time my early days in the church was, were insulated from outside perspective, my college days, I drifted into isolation.
[00:17:59] I kept doubts and decisions to myself.
[00:18:02] No one with me, no one praying with me. And I refused the presence of other Christians and I lost perspective. I was thinking about it this week.
[00:18:12] I was 18 years old.
[00:18:14] I was in a freshman dorm with several Christians that were just there to disciple people. Do you know what kind of an opportunity that is?
[00:18:24] Like people that went to school there, yes, they went to get a degree, but they're like, I'm here on a mission to go reclaim the lost sons and daughters of God. And they're on my floor, which, by the way, I think that's the heartbeat of Every Christian.
[00:18:42] And I drifted into isolation.
[00:18:46] I didn't want to hear what they had to say or I didn't think I needed what they had to say, and I really did.
[00:18:52] And I was thinking this week about the super bloom. You guys remember that super bloom back in 2019? I think we might have had another one in 2023. I forget exactly, but it was the one where you drive down the 15 and there's people all over the hills. It's like, don't step on those, man.
[00:19:08] That's going to destroy this bloom. I don't know. Whatever. It's going to kill everything.
[00:19:14] That selfie is not that important.
[00:19:17] So. Superbloom.
[00:19:19] So I really feel like this week, as I was chewing on it, I was positioned.
[00:19:24] I don't know what the conditions are for a superbloom. If anybody knows, you can find me later and explain this to me. But it doesn't happen all the time.
[00:19:33] God positioned me, I believe, on that floor with these people that really cared about me, really loved me, so that I think he was preparing like a super bloom.
[00:19:45] There was supposed to be this fruitfulness that was going to mark that time in my life.
[00:19:51] There was people I think I was supposed to roll deep with in that community.
[00:19:57] But because I isolated, what could have been a super bloom became like a blip on a radar screen. We were just like, the blip was me.
[00:20:09] There's people that I was supposed to roll deep with who were probably like, oh, yeah, I remember that guy. He was here and then he was.
[00:20:17] College was isolation. I had no presence in Barnes and Noble. It was insulation. I had no perspective. And here's the crazy part. I didn't plan for either one of those.
[00:20:28] But I wound up there.
[00:20:30] I drifted there.
[00:20:32] Hebrews teaches us, don't go missing, don't go deaf.
[00:20:39] And who needs to be with you this week? Church?
[00:20:45] Who needs to be with you this week when you're facing discouragement, grief?
[00:20:52] There's hard things going on in this room.
[00:20:55] Late night temptation, man. We don't face this stuff alone. We don't have to.
[00:21:01] We have our Lord's Suppers kicking back up the seasonal slowdown that we do every summer and every winter, it's coming to an end. I think technically, today's the last day. Which means that our gospel communities, which, if you're new, our Gospel community is a group of men and women that are learning to follow Jesus together in meaningful and intentional ways. Our gospel communities are actually going to start their Lord's Suppers again. That's where we celebrate communion. It's around the table in people's homes.
[00:21:32] Is this gospel community season going to be a priority for you or optional?
[00:21:39] What are you going to do when a competing invite comes in?
[00:21:47] No presence, no perspective drift.
[00:21:52] I know this is heavy and hard and I'm not here to throw shade or judge. I'm told you my story. This is. This marks my life. Chapter one, insulation. Chapter two, isolation. You know, of my. Of my memoirs, which I am working on currently. I'm not.
[00:22:08] My memoir memoirs. Is that memoirs multiple or is it memoir one?
[00:22:15] This one, yeah.
[00:22:16] English language learner here. That's a tough one for us.
[00:22:21] Who needs to be with you this week? What are you going to do when gospel. What you going to do, brother, when gospel community comes after you?
[00:22:37] Where do you need someone speaking into your life?
[00:22:42] Is there a decision, a conflict, a strain? At home or at school?
[00:22:47] Is wise counsel a part of it?
[00:22:50] In a multitude of counselors, there's actually safety.
[00:22:54] Maybe you need to ask mature believers to help you, something you're going through.
[00:22:59] Maybe you need to email your GC leader when you got something going on. I need some accountability.
[00:23:04] I think I'm supposed to start a counseling journey, but I'm scared to death or I don't have the money for this.
[00:23:12] Will you help me?
[00:23:17] What if this. I just want to. I gotta move on. But because the spirit of independence is so strong in our context, I want you to try this sentence out.
[00:23:32] What if this was a common occurrence in our gospel community? Lord's supper meetings or your youth midweeks? You ready?
[00:23:40] I've tried to do this on my own.
[00:23:44] What if that was a common thing that we heard?
[00:23:48] I've tried to do this on my own. And then you fill in a struggle, a sin, a situation that you're going through, and you invite presence and perspective back in.
[00:24:02] Write it down if you're a note taker. If you're not, grab your phone. You have permission from the pastor. Take your phone. Try not to. I don't know.
[00:24:10] Fantasy football hasn't started, but just try not to go to Rotoworld or whatever your website is. Write this down.
[00:24:18] I've tried to do this on my own.
[00:24:22] And then in paren, you put sin comma, struggle, comma, situation.
[00:24:28] And then you practice it. If you need to, you can practice it in the mirror before you show up.
[00:24:33] You know, like give you a little courage. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna make it.
[00:24:38] Here's the crazy part about this. And a lot of you in this room can testify to it. The second you start doing that, you know what happens. It's actually not sin, it's not judgment. In this community, people have been met by mercy and love constantly, repeatedly.
[00:24:58] Independence, it diminishes other people. That's why it's so dangerous. It says, I don't need you, but there's another ditch. I'm trying to move through this one a little faster.
[00:25:08] If independence diminishes other people, there's another ditch on the other side of the road that we can drift into that deifies them.
[00:25:14] It's called codependence.
[00:25:17] Codependence. If you're looking for a definition, I'm defining it today as reversed priorities.
[00:25:25] Reversed priorities. You're like, where'd you get that from? Where'd you get that from the Bible? It's like, well, Galatians chapter 6.
[00:25:32] For the sake of time, I'm going to condense it a little bit. Galatians, chapter 6, verses 2 through 5.
[00:25:41] The apostle Paul, he's writing. He's an early church leader. He's writing and he wants to shape a church or churches to become led by the spirit of Jesus.
[00:25:51] And there's a whole very famous section about the fruit of the Spirit, the kind of people that Jesus makes us to be, who look like him, who sound like him, who do things his way.
[00:26:01] And so he writes, he's trying to shape this church into a spirit led church.
[00:26:05] And then he shares these very, very famous words which say, carry one another's burdens. You guys heard that before?
[00:26:12] Carry one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.
[00:26:16] And then a few verses later, it says, for each will have to carry his own load. And it sounds like Paul is talking out of both sides of his mouth here. What's going on?
[00:26:26] Okay, I want you to think of a.
[00:26:28] Imagine a backpack.
[00:26:31] I love backpacks. I got a Heato pack recently.
[00:26:35] It's a big day. I went and picked it up in person.
[00:26:38] The designer autographed it for me. Was incredible.
[00:26:42] He didn't, but I could have asked and he would have done it because he loves me. He's a part of my community.
[00:26:49] So a backpack. Imagine I'm talking about. If you don't know what heedo pack is, it's cool, everybody has one. We can talk about it later.
[00:26:55] Backpack. A backpack is everyday responsibilities only you can carry. That's your load. Everyone's got to carry their own load.
[00:27:03] We're talking about co dependence here, a mixing up of priorities.
[00:27:07] When we don't know what our backpack is. We don't know what we're supposed to be carrying.
[00:27:13] So there are things that only you can do. Did you know that? That's part of your load and your responsibility.
[00:27:20] I can't show up for you on a Sunday.
[00:27:23] I cannot take your place in a gospel community meeting. I can't read the scripture for you. I can't pray. I actually can pray for you, but I think you know what I mean. I can't be your prayer life.
[00:27:34] If you outsource your prayer life to other people, you'll lack power.
[00:27:38] If you're a student, you got to do your homework.
[00:27:43] ChatGPT can help or whatever, if that's allowed. I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't say these things. I don't know what your particular schools, how they're handling that whole situation, but students got to do their homework.
[00:27:55] If you're breathing that hard, conversation with that person, that's gotta be you.
[00:28:00] You may need some help with it. You may need another person, depending on the situation. But it's like, that's you. That's your backpack.
[00:28:08] That counseling appointment can't go to counseling for you. You can't go to counseling for me.
[00:28:13] Budgeting about this one, Repentance and follow through, that's part of your load. Your backpack that you put on. Now, backpacks can be heavy, and if you're walking for a long way, you gotta be careful what's in there. But ultimately, it's something that you can carry.
[00:28:29] A burden is not that. The apostle Paul talks about a burden like a boulder.
[00:28:34] It's a crisis weight that will crush you unless the body of Christ gets under it with you. Okay? So I want you to imagine situations like grief, serious illness, a sudden job loss.
[00:28:51] In my community in San Diego that I was a part of, restored uptown before we moved up here to help plant this church, we went through an experience where somebody had a mental health breakdown, bipolar episode, and so manic and depression. That's a boulder. That is something that they could not. That household could not handle on their own. And that was okay. The church rallied around them. I did things that season that I never thought I would do in a million years.
[00:29:22] I stepped into spaces. And I was just one of the people. There's many people who did this stuff, stepped into spaces that I never anticipated. I helped move clean houses.
[00:29:34] I went to court. I did all kinds of stuff. Mental health, spiral. That's a boulder. That's not something. That's just a backpack. Part of your load.
[00:29:42] An addiction A relapse, urgent family crisis, falling into sin. The context, actually, for Galatians 6 is restore the person who's stumbled, like gently.
[00:29:54] And so sin. That's a burden. That's a boulder. You need others to help you through that. And it's not just repentance and confession and accountability. You may need accountability in the particular thing that you're struggling in.
[00:30:10] Family crisis, et cetera. Can't get into all of it right now, but I think you guys understand what I'm saying. There's certain things that you are meant to. To walk with other people and help them to carry.
[00:30:21] And so let's do a quick litmus test. Who's carrying your backpack?
[00:30:28] Who's carrying your backpack?
[00:30:31] If I'm waiting for others to do my step, my next step of obedience, I've handed it off.
[00:30:39] On the flip side of codependence is who's exhausted.
[00:30:44] If helping leaves you feeling resentful, you're possibly wearing a backpack that's not yours.
[00:30:52] If you feel relief when someone takes over your job, you may have handed yours away.
[00:30:56] It's possible.
[00:30:59] Here's how you kind of know if there's something in your life that you are called to do or that's in your purview.
[00:31:07] And if somebody does it for you and you get weaker, that was a load that you handed off.
[00:31:14] If there's something that somebody does with you and you're restored, that was a burden that they helped you to carry. You see the difference between those things.
[00:31:22] And in my life, just for the sake of time, I've actually played both parts here in this story.
[00:31:30] I have looked to other people to do what only Jesus can do for me many times, and it's cost me pretty dearly.
[00:31:41] On the flip side, I've been in situations where, as a pat, this may just be because of the role that I'm in or whatever, but I've had people look to me as a rescuer, and then when I didn't rescue them, they became resentful. So I've been on both sides of this codependency piece.
[00:31:58] Ditch, let's call it, or somebody's expected me to manage their life, and that can happen, and then my own rhythms can actually slip. I can slip into anxiety, fear, worry, when in reality that's part of their pack, or maybe it's a part of the boulder that I'm supposed to carry with them, but it's not mine, it's theirs.
[00:32:20] And so here's a heart check. I think we can be prone to either one of these to kind of be prone to be a receiver. Like, what am I asking others to carry so I don't have to face it?
[00:32:32] Maybe there's repentance or boundaries or an uncomfortable call.
[00:32:36] What am I asking others to carry so I don't have to face it With Jesus?
[00:32:43] On the flip side, there's also rescuing.
[00:32:45] What am I trying to get by? What am I trying to get by carrying others?
[00:32:50] Maybe it's approval, maybe it's control, maybe it's a feeling of being needed. Some of us need to be needed.
[00:32:59] But it could end up being a way to avoid the work that we're actually called to do, the backpack that we're called to carry.
[00:33:08] What if this week was different?
[00:33:12] What if this week it was like, this is part of my backpack showing up on Tuesday or Wednesday at my Lord's supper, ready to be present and to receive perspective from people, ready to open up my life to them, ready to listen to them as they're opening their life up to me.
[00:33:32] What if, if you're prone to rescue other people? What if your response this week was, I love you, I'll pray and I'll check in on Friday, the next step is yours.
[00:33:45] That might be a wait off for you. Hopefully this is good news to you and not more responsibility.
[00:33:53] There's a reality that we need to know what's in the backpack and what's the boulder carry. The boulders own your backpack.
[00:34:03] So those are the two ditches that we can fall into. We can fall into the independent stitch where we become maybe a shadow.
[00:34:09] People become silent because we don't want to hear what they have to say or we know better.
[00:34:15] And there's also this interdependence or this co dependence ditch where we end up carrying weight that's not ours.
[00:34:22] But the interesting part is that we're not going to climb out of either ditch by trying harder.
[00:34:27] That's not how it's going to work.
[00:34:29] We need Jesus to actually rescue us out of the ditches that we wind up in.
[00:34:34] And it struck me this week as I was chewing on this, I was thinking about my life.
[00:34:41] I told you guys about how San Diego is this place of encounter. It's a place of significant stumbles, but it's also a place of breakthrough.
[00:34:53] And I was reminiscing about what Jesus did in my life. And so I, when I was out of college, essentially declared independence from Jesus.
[00:35:07] I never made that consciously.
[00:35:10] Any office fans in the house? Like I declare bankruptcy. It's like it doesn't Work like that. Michael Scott thought he could just say it and it happened. It's not that cut and dry.
[00:35:26] There's stuff that has to happen in order to declare bankruptcy, but very little has to happen in order to declare independence.
[00:35:35] But you drift. And I found myself in a ditch in San Diego in 2008, and what changed my life is encapsulated by the words of Jesus.
[00:35:46] In John 10:11, I was a sheep that had strayed.
[00:35:51] And in John 10:11, Jesus says, I am the good shepherd.
[00:35:56] The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
[00:36:00] And that's when I realized Jesus knew that I would go astray.
[00:36:05] But he also knew how to get me back through forgiveness and by never giving up on me. First Peter 2:24 25. This is what I discovered. This is what changed my life and what I hope has changed your life or can change your life.
[00:36:20] First Peter 2:24 25 says, He, Jesus himself bore our sins. Yes, independence and co dependence are sin.
[00:36:31] You and I, we sin when we do these things, when these things mark us. I know sin is like, not fun to talk about. Primarily it means to miss the mark. But the crazy part is Jesus already knew that we were going to do it. And so he himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, on that cross, that Roman execution device.
[00:36:51] Our sins were put on him so that having died to sins, we might live for righteousness.
[00:36:56] By his wounds you have been healed. And then get this, for you were like sheep going astray, but you have now returned to the shepherd and the overseer of your souls.
[00:37:07] Jesus found me straying in the streets of San Diego in a ditch. And he picked me up and he put me over his shoulder and he brought me to the church.
[00:37:17] That's what he did for me. See, the shepherd's not just interested in finding the sheep. He wants to reunite the sheep and put them into a sheepfold, into a pen with other sheep to look out for them.
[00:37:30] Ezekiel 34, 11:12. We don't spend near enough time in Ezekiel, for this is what the Lord God says.
[00:37:38] This is God speaking to his people. See, I myself will search for my flock and look for them as a shepherd looks for his sheep on the day he is scattered among his flock.
[00:37:49] So I will look for my flock. I will rescue them from all the places where they have been scattered on a day of clouds and total darkness. And that is where I found myself, in total darkness. Isolation can be one of the ways you can think of. It is spiritual darkness.
[00:38:06] But Jesus had a better plan.
[00:38:09] He rescued me, he saved me, and he brought me into his church.
[00:38:13] And that's your story. If you're here for so many of you. If that's not your story yet, that could be your story today. Just as a side note, Jesus is ready to do for you what he did for me and what he's done for many, many people.
[00:38:25] The cross of Christ is more than just forgiveness for our sin of independence, though. It's also freedom from the sin of co dependence. What Jesus does is he says in Matthew, chapter 11, verses 28 to 30. Do we have that one? Oh, there it is. You guys are so on it. I overloaded them with notes today, and they're doing a fantastic job. Thanks, Sam. This is what Jesus said.
[00:38:50] He says, come to me, y' all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
[00:38:56] Take up my yoke and learn from me, because I'm lowly and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
[00:39:05] For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. That idea of a burden, it's people together coming under a yoke and together going in the same direction.
[00:39:17] This is what oxen did.
[00:39:19] And so Jesus comes to free us from codependence, because you're not meant to do that all yourself. And also, you're not meant to watch as others pull that load. It's together. We're meant to pull that load under Christ, in Him.
[00:39:34] That is the better way. It's called interdependence. If you're taking notes, this is my last point.
[00:39:40] Interdependence. I got a definition for it.
[00:39:43] It's owning my load plus bearing your burden in Christ.
[00:39:47] I put on my backpack. I wear it, I own it like it's mine, because it is. And then I'm also helping you with your load. And sometimes when I'm going through something, I might need you to help me with mine in Christ, though. That's the key.
[00:40:05] Codependence.
[00:40:06] Part of what it does is it cuts Jesus out of the equation and puts a person in the place.
[00:40:11] Okay, I had a pretty sad moment.
[00:40:18] That cup of James coffee, I spilled it everywhere. Yeah, I know.
[00:40:24] I got out of the car. I was in downtown San Diego on Ash Street.
[00:40:28] I got out of the car, and as I was opening the door, it just went everywhere. The coffee. Precious James coffee, gone.
[00:40:38] And I went for a walk. I walked around my old kind of neighborhood where I used to work, thinking through stuff, reminiscing, reflecting.
[00:40:46] I think I was gone for about 20 minutes. And you Know what was left of the coffee when I got back?
[00:40:52] Nothing.
[00:40:54] It was gone. The asphalt had like swallowed it up.
[00:40:58] There was nothing left.
[00:41:01] And it struck me as this picture of what codependence does to us. It's like we give every. We pour out everything and then we're left with nothing.
[00:41:12] And that's not what God has in mind for us.
[00:41:17] The idea of interdependence. It's you, it's me with Jesus, between us.
[00:41:24] It's not me trying to give you everything. It's not me looking to you to give me everything.
[00:41:28] It's us mediated in Christ. A relationship that has Jesus at the middle of it, where you're not pouring out your drink offering onto the wrong altar, onto another person, another human being. Because all that will leave you with in the end is like that coffee cup, empty and nothing. You're going to be left longing because no one can bear that load of being your Lord, your Savior, your God, your everything. That's something that only Jesus can do.
[00:42:04] So, in sum, I want to land the plane here.
[00:42:09] I need. I can't follow Jesus without you.
[00:42:14] I also can't follow Jesus for you and you can't follow Jesus for me.
[00:42:22] I need your help to follow Jesus.
[00:42:27] This is what I'm saying in a nutshell. One ditch independence, a second ditch, which means I don't need you. A second ditch, codependence, I need you too much.
[00:42:38] And then this other way, which is I can't follow Jesus without you.
[00:42:44] But I need Jesus.
[00:42:46] I need you to help me and point me back to Jesus, not to anywhere else or anyone else.
[00:42:52] And so here's what I want to do. I put together some slides because this might be like, okay, cool, Pastor, great. Let's get real, real practical here. Can you guys throw up the independence slide?
[00:43:06] The confess?
[00:43:09] Okay, so I want you to imagine yourself.
[00:43:12] Maybe you are about to skip a Lord's supper here in the next few weeks as they get going.
[00:43:21] Maybe you're isolating, maybe you're white knuckling it.
[00:43:25] Or maybe you're just. I'm fine, I'm fine. I'm good. I don't need this.
[00:43:28] I got other stuff going on. I'm really busy. Or maybe you're carrying a secret struggle.
[00:43:34] What if what came out of your mouth in the presence of other Christians was, I've tried to do this on my own.
[00:43:41] Fill in sin, struggle or situation.
[00:43:44] And you give it to them not because they're Christ, but because in Christ they're going to help you carry that burden, and they're going to lift you to him.
[00:43:53] What if that was something that we confessed on a regular basis?
[00:43:57] Okay, here's another potential confession.
[00:44:02] Maybe you have. You're starting up and it's a difficult week or somebody. There's certain people in this room that I can't tell you what it means when you say, how are you?
[00:44:11] Because I know that you're not going to be satisfied with a shallow answer.
[00:44:16] So maybe the next time that somebody asks you how you're really doing, maybe you're overwhelmed, maybe you need something but you've been afraid to say it.
[00:44:26] What if what came out of your mouth was, I've kept people at arm's length instead of asking for help Again, this is lifestyle repentance. We talked about this last week. Tom did a great job laying this out. I'm just giving you some handles right now, some things that you can write down to be like, okay, I'm going to use this in my next conversation. Maybe you're in a different spot. Maybe you are deciding on a job. Maybe you're thinking about some big decision.
[00:44:52] You're dating, thinking about relocating a job, whatever the case may be, but you haven't invited input.
[00:45:01] Or maybe you've gotten feedback and you've kind of bristled at it.
[00:45:04] Or maybe you've got, like a big message that you need to send. And before you hit send, what if what came out of your mouth in the presence of wise counsel was, I've ignored wise counsel previously because I thought I knew better. Can you help me?
[00:45:19] How does this feel to you guys? I'm just curious, like, is this like a. Does this feel like life giving or does this feel like dying?
[00:45:27] Hopefully a little bit of both. What's that?
[00:45:30] On point. Great.
[00:45:32] Ooh, here's one.
[00:45:34] Here's one.
[00:45:36] Let's say your. Your gospel community Lord's suppers are about to kick off, or it's time to check in with other people.
[00:45:45] Or maybe you're kind of in a spot, you're realizing, like, I kind of show up late and I leave early, or you stayed quiet for a few weeks during prayer time.
[00:45:54] What if you were to acknowledge, in the presence of godly counsel, I show up, but I stay unknown or nobody really knows me.
[00:46:06] Guys, I think that as much as anything, this would be a sign of revival breaking out in our independent, self sufficient, Western, comfortable, affluent, suburban context.
[00:46:18] This signs of revival right here.
[00:46:22] And the crazy part is in the gospel, we can do this because the gospel says you're really sinful and broken and messed up. And you're also really loved.
[00:46:32] So the gospel frees us from having to pretend to have it together. It also frees us from pretending that we have it all figured out.
[00:46:39] Okay, let's go to the co dependence confessions on the receiver side, somebody that's waiting for rescue.
[00:46:47] And as I'm going through these, I want you to see which one of these resonates with me. Which one of these could I actually say honestly and humbly that would help me bring freedom into my life?
[00:46:59] Let's say you're in a spot in your life where you are.
[00:47:03] Maybe you're procrastinating on a very clear step of obedience.
[00:47:08] Maybe it's filling out that counseling intake. Maybe it's an apology that's long overdue.
[00:47:13] Maybe it's budgeting, or maybe there's a hard conversation, maybe that you've tried to offload to someone else to have for you.
[00:47:20] Or maybe you've. Maybe it's turned into, like, venting. And even without realizing it, maybe it's turned into gossip where there's like a triangle now where there really only needs to be a straight line.
[00:47:32] Maybe you're here and you're just waiting to be reminded of things instead of acting. What if the confession that came out of your mouth was, I've avoided my step and hoped somebody else would take it.
[00:47:43] But that's not how this works.
[00:47:47] Another one in a community like this, which, by the way, I think we have a rad community. I know this is a tough message on community. I just want you guys to know, like, I love the way that we do life together. I'm just acknowledging that we're also human and that sin sticks to us very easily, as the writer of the Hebrews actually says, and it deceives us. And so some of this is just preventative work. Wouldn't you like to just do preventative work instead of responding to disease?
[00:48:18] I'm actually starting to assume that I'm diabetic. I don't need to share this. But I am. I already did it. It's out of my mouth.
[00:48:26] Am I diabetic? No, I don't think so. But am I on the track to become diabetic? Absolutely.
[00:48:33] So I'm already doing the preventative work as though I was.
[00:48:37] Because I'd rather do preventative work than responsive work. Why don't we engage in some preventative health as a community by doing this stuff to. Not, by the way, if spiritually you are disease for lack of it. Man. Coming up on this, on the fly is not great, huh? If you are spiritually going through it.
[00:48:58] Spiritually diseased, sounds like you're a leper. Which, by the way, Jesus loved to cleanse lepers, so I guess we just roll with that analogy.
[00:49:04] Yeah, sin makes us lepers, but Jesus cleanses lepers and welcomes them home.
[00:49:09] But it's lepers who turn to him, not who try to clean themselves up on their own or just stay outside because I'm not welcome here or whatever. I'm too messed up.
[00:49:19] Okay, so back to this.
[00:49:23] Here's another one. Maybe you're disappointed that no one fixed it. Whatever it is, the problem that you have.
[00:49:30] Maybe you've been collecting advice more than praying.
[00:49:33] Maybe you've been retelling the same story without changing anything.
[00:49:37] What if you were to say, I've expected others to do my part and heal my heart, but it doesn't work that way.
[00:49:46] Okay, I really got to move.
[00:49:50] Okay, so we have a rad community. Like I was saying, what if you're leaning more into the group vibes than scripture prayer, Jesus himself?
[00:50:01] What if we were to be honest and say, a part of the shadow of this community is that I can treat the community as a cure rather than as a companion to you, Jesus?
[00:50:15] And last, but certainly not least, if you're here, when you find yourself in a situation where you want relief from consequences, but you're dodging confession, restitution, or change, maybe you can say, man, I've asked for rescue and God, you're asking me to repent.
[00:50:30] Sometimes the confession is horizontal, but it's always forever rooted in our vertical relationship with God.
[00:50:39] We repent to him and we confess to each other.
[00:50:42] Go to the rescuer. Slide.
[00:50:45] Go through these quick. Maybe what needs to come out of your mouth if you're prone to rescue is, I've tried to carry that backpack that isn't mine to feel needed. I had this feel, this desire to be needed.
[00:50:58] And you might be in the spot. If you're resentful, if you're drained from helping, if you're saying yes again even though you're depleted, or you're doing kind of late night rescues on repeat, it might be necessary to say, in the presence of godly counsel and community, I've tried to carry what wasn't mine to feel needed. Or maybe I've taken responsibility for other people's choices and neglected mine.
[00:51:20] Or maybe I'm more invested in their next step than they are in it. Which again, we can't want Jesus more than someone else does. When we move into that space.
[00:51:29] We're now entangled with each other. We're supposed to be intertwined, like sequoias.
[00:51:37] Interdependent.
[00:51:39] Yeah, I guess it is intertwined, too. Not entangled, but intertwined. Sequoias. I was just recently in Yosemite. Sequoias are some of the most remarkable living organisms on Earth. I think by volume, they're the biggest living organisms, or one of them.
[00:51:54] And there was one that was somewhere between 2000 and 3000 years old standing there in front of us.
[00:52:02] Absolutely ridiculous. Like, you've seen everything. The fall of Rome, the bubonic plague, Covid. You saw the Angels win the World series.
[00:52:09] Maybe another 4,000 years before that happens again.
[00:52:14] This tree has seen it all, but it hasn't done it on its own. It's actually. It has roots that are intertwined with others, and they help one another. They're not competing for resources like there's enough, and they know it. And so they're intertwined. They help each other. They form this supportive environment, this ecosystem of growth.
[00:52:37] A lot of things have to go right, but they're positioned for it. Are you positioned for growth?
[00:52:42] This is the stuff. This is soil work, my friends, what I'm talking about here.
[00:52:46] Soil can get rocky, it can get hard. The soil of our hearts, the condition of our hearts. You do this, you are breaking up fallow ground.
[00:52:54] Okay? That's what we're doing here. At least that's what I'm laying out, and I'm taking forever to do it.
[00:52:59] Here we go.
[00:53:02] I've been steering their wheel while mine drifts.
[00:53:06] Sometimes we skip stuff that we need so that we can invest in other people's things that they're not that into.
[00:53:16] All right, let's go to the interdependence. This is the good stuff, the commitments that we want to make.
[00:53:22] All right? So interdependence. This is the healthy road down the middle. Not a ditch on either side. Interdependence. How about this one? You're in a new season.
[00:53:32] You're making key decisions or thinking about key decisions. What if your commitment was, I'm going to walk with others and welcome their counsel.
[00:53:41] What if I'm going to bring the conflict that I'm in or the conflict that I'm in, and the plan that I have to resolve that conflict to a mature person, not to triangulate them so that they'll do it for me, but so that I can get my hot takes out of the way and not hurt the person that I'M going to confront.
[00:54:02] I'm going to welcome wise counsel.
[00:54:06] I'm willing to be led.
[00:54:09] Oh, my.
[00:54:12] This is.
[00:54:13] I want you to lead me.
[00:54:18] This is gonna sound weird to some of you. Some of you may never come back. You're like that guy, control freak.
[00:54:25] Weird. Talks forever. Doesn't say anything memorable or meaningful.
[00:54:30] But then he says, follow me.
[00:54:33] Well, actually, Jesus is saying that to you at best. Follow me as I follow Christ. But I'm just one dude. I'm one tree. We're a grove.
[00:54:42] You need all of it, all the people.
[00:54:47] Okay. I will move toward the family, not away.
[00:54:51] When you're tempted to withdraw.
[00:54:53] What if you were to just start time, blocking your Lord's suppers and just declining competing invites? You're like, uh, I'm not doing that. I'm doing this.
[00:55:02] What if you were to show up a few minutes early and linger not too early. You want to make sure that your hosts are ready for you.
[00:55:09] Doesn't mean show up 25 minutes early. I think you know what I mean. I think the Safe window is 15.
[00:55:16] You're going to know your GC better.
[00:55:19] But what if you were to show up a little early and linger? Also, don't stay too late because they got school, you know, But. You know what I mean? But you can linger.
[00:55:27] Ask your GC leaders. I want to speak for them.
[00:55:32] Linger. Some of them are really into it.
[00:55:35] There's a balance here, guys. Okay? Don't linger too. Don't show up too early. Don't stay too late. You know what I'm saying?
[00:55:42] Here's one.
[00:55:43] If God's putting something on your heart where you're starting to feel like. I think there's a blind spot here where you're feeling stuck.
[00:55:51] What if you were to make the commitment that you were going to ask. What do you see that I don't? To a trusted person in your. How you handle your finances, your dating, your parenting, your habits this week, whatever it is.
[00:56:07] What do you see that I don't?
[00:56:10] Powerful again.
[00:56:11] Soil work. We want to be the kind that big grizzly. I forget what it's called. Grizzly something in the sequoia tree. The grizzly giant.
[00:56:22] Nobody knows. Cassie's been there. Okay. The grizzly giant. That's like 3,000 years old.
[00:56:29] That's there.
[00:56:31] It didn't happen on accident. There was an environment that was conducive to this kind of growth and stability and security.
[00:56:41] What we're talking about is creating that kind of an environment for you to thrive as a disciple and by You. I mean, y', all, all of us.
[00:56:49] And last but not least, I will help you lift what would crush you in Christ.
[00:56:55] If there's a real boulder that shows up, we're going to need help picking it up, and you can be a part of that.
[00:57:04] I'm going to invite you to stand.
[00:57:07] Which of these was most meaningful to you?
[00:57:10] Which of these resonated with you the most?
[00:57:15] I'm going to invite you to stand. I'll call the band up to the front. Let's stretch. I've been talking for a long time.
[00:57:31] I'm actually going to invite you to just close your eyes for a second. It's not to get super spiritual or to swipe your purse. It's just to just close them and just put your hands out if you. You can. It's a posture of receptivity.
[00:57:47] It's a posture of receptivity and openness.
[00:57:51] And I just want you to ask the question, lord, which ditch am I prone to fall into?
[00:57:59] Am I in a ditch right now?
[00:58:02] Am I around but insulated from people?
[00:58:08] Or did this message just catch me on a day where I just happened to be here, but I'm not planning to come back or whatever?
[00:58:19] Or maybe you're carrying someone else's backpack, or maybe there's a real boulder that you know about that you're not helping to shoulder. Lord, which ditch am I prone to go into?
[00:58:29] First question, take 10 seconds. Just hear them out.
[00:58:33] God loves to speak. My sheep, hear my voice. If this pastor would stop talking.
[00:58:48] Last question. Just ask him. Lord, what does interdependence look like for me?
[00:58:54] What commitment do I need to make in this season?
[00:58:57] Coming out of the seasonal slowdown, heading into gospel community. Lord, suppers, what does interdependence look like for me?
[00:59:21] Father, we want to thank you that your son is the good shepherd who laid down his life for the sheep.
[00:59:29] That your son forgives.
[00:59:34] That your son brings us into his sheepfold and brings us in the midst of other sheep who are learning to hear your voice.
[00:59:46] I want to thank you.
[00:59:47] I want to thank you that in that retreat 20 something years ago, what I heard that touched my heart deeply amidst all the busyness of life is I heard people opening up about what you were doing in their life, inviting other people's presence into their life, other people's perspective.
[01:00:10] And as they did that, you reordered their priorities in a redemptive way.
[01:00:16] Stories of transformation.
[01:00:19] I thank you that those stories exist in this community and that they're being shared. And I pray that more would be shared.
[01:00:25] God, I thank you that it is your good purpose and plan to not have us do this alone, independently, or to become entangled with other people codependently, but to be interdependent, rooted together in Christ, and that that's the proper environment for growth.
[01:00:46] Would you give us each our next step as disciples today?
[01:00:51] Thank you that you took our sin and the burden upon yourself on the cross and have blessed us with grace and mercy and compassion.
[01:01:01] It's in your Son's name we pray. Amen.
